*dulcitos

Our peas are finally ready to harvest and they are so delicious, sweet and cute! I'd never had fresh-shelled peas before and they are as good as I'd heard. I will definitely be planting these every year from now on - and way more than one short row.

*lavaplatos

I honestly can't wait 'till she can really do the dishes.

A chore chart on the fridge, I can see it now...

*vegeteriano

I have been using epicurious a lot lately. I have an ingredient I want to use, I enter it in the site and then sort the recipes by rating. One that I've made 3x in the last month are these Spiced Lentil Tacos. The first time I told Ben what we were having he made a comment about including hemp and sprouts, but then proceeded to eat five and declare them amazing and delicious.

I always read the reviews and make little alterations according to their advice. Like in this recipe, use less salt and not a whole packet of taco seasoning [simply organic has a good one].

Crispy taco shells make it real yummy, but last night I made whole wheat tortillas with coconut oil and they were good. I also used baby onions from our garden! and some fresh and crispy cabbage, yummm. The best part though is the chipotle sour cream, using these:

Unfortunately I tried to sneak in too many of the lentils and cabbage in Vera's "quesadilla" and I think it was a little too spicy for her. At one point she said she couldn't eat it because her "teeth were too white." Dinner was not a pleasant experience, hence no photos of the finished product.

*el cuento de Vera

I've been meaning to write down Vera's "birth story." I don't know about the rest of you, but my mom doesn't remember anything: well I think I got induced once ... and I think maybe my water broke first? You were real easy, no maybe Liz was ... etc. So I want to write it all down to remember. Also, don't hesitate to ever tell me your story or mention it in the comments, I love to hear birth stories.

This is going to be long and detailed by the way. I won't be offended if you don't read it :)

One week before my due date, a Saturday about 3 o'clock. Ben had just gone to work at Lowe's and I was lying on the bed watching TV. I had just been at Whole Foods and thank goodness I was home now, because all of a sudden I felt an unmistakable gushing and I knew right away my water had broke. Like there was no mistake - it just kept coming and so I stuffed a bath towel between my legs and called Ben. I had always thought it would be fun to finally have that moment of "Honey, my water broke! It's time!" Later I would realize that's not how I should have wished it [I didn't know water breaking does not mean labor is starting]. I called the hospital and they said I should try to get there within an hour or so. Ben got home and I took a shower and got some things together - what a weird feeling it was!! I wasn't feeling any contractions at all and it was just so strange to be like okay I'm going to have a baby today [or 24 hours later]. On the way to St. Marks we called our parents, casually mentioning mid-conversation that we were on our way :) My mom got in her car and started her own drive from Nevada. I had half a coconut popsicle - couldn't finish it as I was so anxious and excited. I would wish later on I would have eaten the rest and another besides!

After they checked my progress [none whatsoever] at the hospital, they let us walk around for about an hour to see if anything started happening [nothing still]. I got back to the room and the nurse got on the phone with the midwife [mine was out of town, this was a fill-in]. Over the phone she told them to start me on pitocin! I couldn't believe it, she wasn't even going to talk to me or check me or give me some options? So they hooked me up to an IV and a monitor. I also had to have antibiotics flowing in because someone at the office hadn't sent my strep-B results in. So there I was with wires and tubes all over the place, unable to move 2 feet from the bed. The overwhelming thought I had at this point was defeat. I felt defeated and like all the reading and mental preparation about natural birth and midwives was out the door and the "evils" of a medicalized hospital birth were being realized. I wasn't going to argue with the medical staff though, because of course I really just wanted to make sure I had a healthy baby and not just the "experience" that I wanted.

Once the contractions really started going with the pitocin I had a hard time. I wanted to find something comfortable, but didn't like sitting on the bed and couldn't walk more than a step away. The pain was pretty intense and I felt out of control and like I didn't know what to do. After about 3-4 hours of it [I think?], they checked me and I think I had only progressed to one centimeter. It was midnight and I was hungry and tired and a little scared of the pain and my inability to deal with it. Faced with the prospect of the whole night ahead of me, I decided I'd get an epidural. Afterwards, Ben and I watched Les Miserables and then he slept while I tried to without success. I remember talking to Ben's sister at some point in the pre-dawn hours, that was a nice diversion :) Another highlight of the night was when I asked Ben if he would go get me some more ice chips and he mumbled from his cot, can't you just call the nurse? I love to tease him about that one. Anyway, morning arrived and I still hadn't progressed hardly at all. The epidural wasn't working super well and my hip hurt really really badly. I hated the helpless dead feeling of half my body totally numb - Ben can you move my leg please? Can you roll my enormous body to the other side?

Finally around lunch time they said I was almost there and the room got a little busy. I wish I would have had that feeling of needing to push, but I just went by what the monitor said my contractions were doing. I pushed for about an hour and a half and was so exhausted that I started falling asleep and even dreaming in the minutes between contractions! The midwife finally had me stop pushing and they phoned the on-call OB. He got there, calmly washed his hands and slowly explained to me [all the while with an enormous baby stuck in my pelvis] that he was going to try to turn her head slightly with the forceps as it's angle was keeping her from moving down further. If that didn't work, we'd do a C-section. Thankfully it did work and I think I pushed her out within 1/2 hour after that - 2:55 pm, Sunday July 29. 9 lbs. 5 oz. The first thing the nurses said was "your momma fed you well!" and "look at those toes!" - the first thing I said to Ben [between tears] was that was so hard. She had had a bowel movement in the womb, so a team of nurses had to whisk her away to make sure everything was ok. I had 4th degree tears and was losing a lot of blood; I remember the doctor yelling at someone to get something into my IV. While he stitched me up [I did hear later that if you need to get stitched up, this doctor is the best in the whole valley] I tried to strain my neck and catch a glimpse of the sweet baby who I'd wanted so much to meet. I can't quite remember when they first handed her to me, I think I was still quite light-headed and a little delirious. I do remember Ben and I looking at each other: this is her, this is Vera!

Once in the recovery room, I tried to breastfeed, but it wasn't going well. She seemed about to get it, but I started throwing up [can't remember why - pain meds?] and the nurse took her away. At some point they told me her blood sugar was low and could they give her formula. I was so miserable and in so much pain and so out of it, I just said fine. I even had them keep her in the nursery all night, bringing her in so I could hold her and feed her the bottle a few times - adding drops of colostrum I was able to pump. I knew that was so not the "natural mama" I wanted to be, but I felt really awful and needed to sleep. She did finally learn to breastfeed exclusively in the next week, but giving her the bottle right away made things VERY difficult as she got used to that full tummy feeling right away. I had some really sweet moments that first night with her [Ben had gone home to sleep too, which I was totally fine with], holding this little wide-eyed blinking stranger in the quiet of my room, just the two of us. Saying her name to her over and over - knowing that she would grow into it, in awe of the little being that I finally was holding.

So basically everything went opposite to my hoped for experience, sigh. The recovery was almost worse with all the stitches and other swelling down there coupled with the crazy hormone roller coaster and a baby who violently refused to nurse. I remember just bawling my eyes out and poor Ben being at a loss to help me.

However, slowly things started healing, Vera figured out how to nurse and life assumed a new pace. In those first weeks I felt I couldn't possibly go through that ever again, but in a few months I thought maybe perhaps I could and a year later I knew of course I could. Amazing how our bodies and our memories work! Above all I'm so thankful we were blessed with such a healthy, beautiful baby and am so excited for the newest little one!! I'm doing a lot of the same and more natural childbirth reading and will hopefully be more prepared should I face some of the same problems. In the end though, it's just a day or so in the scheme of my whole life with my daughter and she doesn't hold it against me that I had an epidural and that she spent her first night in the nursery with bottles :)

That was even longer than I thought it would be.

El fin.

*habla y habla

Yesterday I didn't feel well and so I laid on the couch while Vera took care of me, letting me hold Bunny and her blanket.  She brought me toys and food and talked and talked and talked.  I had a little notebook next to me, so I wrote down things as she said them.  I know anyone feels the same about their own child, but I couldn't stop thinking this child is magical, I LOVE HER.  I love how she takes her experiences and phrases she learns from me, books and -yes- videos and strings them together into random strings of consciousness.  

Guess what??! [whispers] You get a milkshake!  and you'll go to the SWIMming pool in a few days and 4 minutes when Stella gets here after your quiet time. That will be so EXCITED!! [arms up]

in a few days ago and 4 minutes it's your BIRTHday but you have to wait until it's fall I'm going to make you a cake with cookies and brown things and cupcakes!!!!  you can have a vegetable after your cookie and doughnut and cupcake.

but it has not sugar but it has a little sugar. [whispers] but guess what we're gonna make milkshakes and icees!  that sounds so YUMMY!!

 

[off in her room preparing my treats, singing] so we gonna get princesses we are princesses all of my heart la la la dee da. jesus loves me this I know school school don't be late! sign your name at the golden gate v-e-r-a cinderella dressed a yell-A went upstairs a kiss a fella made a dadala kissed a snake...

I'll sing one more and then I'm gonna go, okay sweetheart?

*I ♥ quiet time

One of the things I love about quiet time now as opposed to nap time is that I don't have to wait until she's tired!  Today I was trying to watch soccer online and she was a little squirmy, so I said all right let's go, quiet time!  I put her down, took a minute to make my [[[gooool chile just now!]]]] favorite summer meal and am enjoying some time to myself.

Ok, obviously half time is over....

*more daddy/daughter

Vera is really preferring her daddy lately. She's pretty spoiled as he often studies here during the day and she can go visit him in his office whenever she wants [nice for me too :)].  A week or two ago at bedtime she took his face in her hands and said in a serious voice, "Daddy, if you get lost, I will find you.  It's because I love you."

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*telas

I discovered The Purl Soho and it's really inspiring and really well-done blog The Purl Bee a short time ago and have become fully obsessed. Oh I wish I had a million dollars to spend - and a million hours to make things. I go back often to browse fabrics and try to justify why I need to buy them. I also need to share some of them with someone, so here you go! The *** below the picture is where I found it. Most (all?) of these are Japanese and I love and want them!!!

[I'll never forget the Spanish word for fabric, tela. On my way into the Spanish AP test I asked my friend how it went and she whispered "tela - it means cloth!" I went in and found 50% of the test was to narrate a story laid out in pictures in front of me of a woman buying some cloth. I must have said tela 100 times. I'm such a cheater. ]

*this one is oilcloth!*

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*Dad-o

Happy Father's Day Ben! You're an amazingly devoted dad and I love how much Vera lights up when you come home, how she loves to play with you and laugh and just be with you. My favorite recent memory is when you arrived later to a neighbor's bbq and she couldn't stop hugging you and exclaiming, my daddy! it's MY dadddy! my daaaaaaaadddy! - looking around all the while to see if everyone else was as ecstatic as she was that you were there.  I love how she calls you her *best boy* and says that, "my prince's name is my Dad."  She sure loves her Dad-o.

*dressing up

"Here comes a prin-cess!!"

A little more recorded conversation as the she was heading out the door, including my current favorites - "what been you doing?" and "I don't know!" :

"Bye darling, I'm going to class and a fancy restaurant!"

*Dr. Grandpop

Ben's dad visited over the weekend and we had a great time as usual. He brought his stethoscope which was really fun. Playing doctor is one of her faavorite things to do and she tells me at least every day that she doesn't feel good and needs to "go at the doctor." I usually just tell her we'll call Dr. Grandpop to see what he thinks.

We also visited the dinosaur museum which was really amazing!! As girly and princessy as she is, she also loves dinosaurs. She was even able to point out a few different species - which we can thank Dinosaur Train on PBS for :)

Modeling a gift from Lola while we watched World Cup:

*little foodie

I regret not having more video of Vera's stages of talking - I've already forgotten what she sounded like a year ago! I recorded this little conversation yesterday. She had the idea to put her babies to bed and then come sit up on the couch to read a magazine. It's definitely long and probably boring to anyone else, but I'm glad I have it. Maybe she'll be a successful food writer someday [aren't our kids supposed to fulfill our dreams?] and we can show her this :)

*check!

I had a burst of productivity in the last few weeks and am excited to keep checking things off the list of things to get done. Getting to publish it to the blog is like checking it off twice :)

First I FINALLY put photos in our wedding album!!! I felt this huge pressure about it because it's a wedding album and should be perfect and a friend had given us this beautiful book, but I wasn't pleased with hardly any of our pictures [have shed more than a few tears over this]. It's not perfect and some of my spacing is off, but it is done and feels so good!

it keeps rotating my picture the wrong way!

I also finished these placemats that were supposed to be a Christmas gift for my parents. It took me forever to go to the store [JoAnn's is like 20 minutes away - way too far], then it took me forever to cut it all out and piece together the sides. Then I ironed it all [oops, wrong order] and discovered they were all like 2 inches different on all sides. So it took me forever to iron all the seams, and sew them together. I finally set a goal of doing just one a day and miraculously all 10 are now finished!

Next on my list to finish before July:

*two frameable birthday gifts [have to be vague]

*some more gifts involving fabric from this most amazingly wonderful store.

*Vera's baby book - bought the blank album finally!

*figure out how to not get further screwed by my crappy insurance and finally call them.

*something else I can't remember....

*fin de semana

...Various moments from the weekend...

At the community pool with Daddy:

In the middle of all the big kids singing at church. I love to just watch her:

A push-up (that's what it's called right?) at the church picnic:

Me in a futile attempt to keep her shirt clean. the neon colors in those popsicles scare me:

This big girl got completely dressed and made her own bed today!

Teaching bunny to color:

playing in the water with her little neighbor friend (8 years old):

a good old-fashioned summer weekend.

now if it would just stay this temperature! no hotter please.

*V for VERA

Vera has long been obsessed with the letter V and finds it all over the place - not just in words, but the intersection of twigs, lines in the pavement: you name it. I found this letter-writing practice the other day on the blackboard - I didn't know she could do it on her own!

*

We had a really nice, slow day - going to the library in the morning and then an afternoon of contented playing inside and out. She was especially loving - lots of heartfelt, unprompted I love you Mamas and hugs [tho' when I asked why she colored on her table, she said "because I love you Mama" - hm, doesn't work]. After her picnic here on the hottest spot of the driveway - in her fleece - she finally consented to join me in the shade. She sat quietly with Bunny and Monkey on her lap listening to birds and the breeze in the trees while I read my book. One of those days I realize over and over that I am in love with this child.

*mi niña

Sometimes I worry Vera seems so "secular" and consumer-minded - as in she loves princesses, all-pink clothes, the Pottery Barn kids catalogue, the first thing she tells you is "I got a new __scooter, sunglasses, etc.__!" and she's always telling me we should "buy/get one of those." I know it's just her personality though, and most of it is probably my self-consciousness about not her not being a 100% little nature child with artistic tastes [not that I'd want her all that way! maybe just a little bit more. she does hold worms now, right? and she loves to read.].
Anyway, I'll see her doing something along these lines and think wow, this is so not-Soulemama. I often mentally categorize snapshots of our day into yes or no-Soulemama moments. Like digging in the garden - yes. Looking for baby animals burrows on a hike - yes. Disney princesses - no. Hello Kitty paraphernalia - no. Terrible of me, I know! Kind of funny though - Ben joins in sometimes too.

Here is one [there was a similar shot I had but she was wearing a hot pink Hello Kitty tutu - how S-Mama is that??] from the other day. She was playing with her [awful, hand-me-downed] My Little Ponies, singing a funny made-up tune something along the lines of: "I need make-up, make-up, make-up on my faaaace! I need make-up on my boooo-dy, on my boooottom.. lalalala" Oh my, this is my little girl :)



*if you're unfamiliar with SouleMama, she's like the quintessential natural living, forest galavanting, un-schooling, cloth-diapering hippie Mama. I hope I don't get people googling her critics, ending up here...