*nurnies

This has tentatively been the last week I'll nurse Vera. She only does before bedtime and doesn't seem to really need it, getting distracted easily and such. Plus with some trips and other things coming up it seems like a good time to wean. It's really been an easy process from the beginning since she's not much of a snuggler and has always been so interested in the world around her. I think we've gone this long because I'm the one that wants to snuggle :)

Nursing has been a surprise to me. I always knew I wanted to for the bonding, the baby's health, and well ... the weight loss reasons. I didn't realize though what a sweet and amazing thing it is. It was hard at the beginning - as I've learned it is for most moms - and there were many moments where I bawled devastatedly [that a word?] when little newborn Vera just couldn't/wouldn't do it [some advice: don't let them give your baby formula in the hospital!!]. As things began to fall in place though it became such a sweet quiet time to spend with my little baby. I made many mental notes to not forget this moment, holding her sweet little hands, adoring her sweet little body curled up next to me. I remember when she started looking up and smiling at me - it was so adorable and I had to try to not smile too much back or we'd be there forever. Of course it was also often that time I could relax on the bed and fit in an episode of Arrested Development :) Lately though, like I said, she's just too distracted and it's just time for her and me to ........ well you know. This evening I started thinking that this may have been the last night and could just feel the tears surging up my chest [that make sense?].

Tonight was just confirmation that it's time: a minute in she looked up at me and says, "seh?" - which is her new word for the baby we watch. What?? I say... and she taps her hand with the other, puts it up to my mouth and then up to her mouth. "seh?" she says again. Ohhhh she wants the baby's pacifier. Wow, she actually explained to me in Vera-talk what she wanted. So I call to Ben to bring it and she alternates nursing, putting it in her mouth, and putting it in mine. Then, she raises her hand up to me for a high-five! So I give her a high-five and she starts giggling - as do I. Finally she sits up and points at the crib and asks for bunny. Wow, when your child is old enough to give you high-fives while nursing, is that when it's time to stop?? That's what got me all on-the-emotional-edge afterwards and I'm just fighting amongst myself with holding on and letting go. Anyway, I apologize for the long and possibly uncomfortable nature of this post :) I wish I had a picture of her breastfeeding [you probably don't] - I always thought the ones of us with my mom were special.


*nurnies. I gleaned it from a SouleMama post a long time ago. Like many phrases, it started out as playful mockery and was soon adopted as daily speak. Please don't tell anyone we called it that.