*el cuento

So here's how it all happened... this will be a long post filled with details you might not be interested in. But here it is for me/us to remember :)

So I started having menstrual-like cramps in the wee hours of Sunday morning [about the time little Kate Freise was on her way!] that lasted all day. I hadn't felt anything like that during the pregnancy and they were pretty consistent, but I refused to get hopeful about it. In fact, I kept praying that God would take away my mental games of over-analyzing everything and thinking that my over-analysis would jinx it all into not being the real thing. I had been told so many times that I was going to be early, deliver by a certain date, etc. that I was going a little crazy and had decided to not expect a thing before my due date (the 16th).

Around dinner time, the cramps were a little sharper and I started writing down the times they peaked - about 2-5 minutes apart. I still thought it probably wasn't the real thing and went about the evening, helping my mom with dinner and putting Vera to bed. Around 9:00pm I called my midwife who said to take a bath and try to go to bed - if it was false labor it would fizzle away. I did what she said and it all just got stronger - I laid on the bed and listened to hypnobabies tracks on my ipod, having Ben rub my back through the contractions [oops hypnobabies calls it "pressure waves" ha. I will say the tracks were helpful and calming during this part at home and I don't doubt the program works for many people]. Around midnight I got up to go to the bathroom and the pressure was so painful, I could barely walk. So we decided to go to the hospital, thinking it's only going to get more difficult as we waited. The drive to the hospital was surreal of course - "this is it! is it?? are they going to send me back?" I was still thinking it was probably false labor as I texted a few people between contractions that I was on my way, hopefully not to be sent home.

We got there and my nurse checked me to be 4 cm and said she'd be back in an hour to see if I progressed - if not they wouldn't admit me. It was starting to hurt pretty badly and I freaked out a little thinking they could still send me home with pain that intense! Thankfully the hour passed pretty quickly with lots of contractions and Ben helping me through them by rubbing my back and telling me I could do it :) I had progressed to 5 and was so relieved to know the baby was really on her way! The pain was getting much more intense and I was feeling like I didn't know if I could do it - especially with this "hypnobabies B.S." - I think that's what I told the nurse :) I tried to get up and sit on a yoga ball, but the pressure was way too painful in my pelvis and I laid back down on my side immediately. The nurse talked to the midwife who "encouraged" me to wait until she got there if I could. By the time she got there it was INTENSE and I was feeling really unsure of myself, definitely not able to convince myself that it was "pressure waves" - rather - blaring-loud, body-encompassing pain :) Toni my nurse pushed on the right spot on my back while I had Ben squeeze my hand as hard as he could and I just concentrated on breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, hearing someone in the background telling me not to hyperventilate :)

Right after a crazy intense contraction where I screamed THAT WAS THE WORST ONE!!, my midwife, who had barely arrived, checked me and immediately began running to get whatever she needed ready because the baby was coming. This was an hour after I was checked at 5cm and just 2 hours after arriving! They had me start pushing right away which was so crazy and intense [sorry can't think of another word]. I seriously didn't think I could do it and was frantically thinking how I could get someone to do this for me, especially remembering how I'd pushed for over 1.5 hours with Vera. Apparently I was also screaming OUCHIE as loud as I could which makes me feel mortified, so so embarrassing!! That's what Vera said when she got her shot - it makes me blush thinking of it now. Anyway thankfully it was really short and I only tried as hard as I could because Ben was telling me you can do it, she's almost here, there she is!!! It must have been like 5 minutes and there she was. Oh relief! You did it you did it! Ben kept telling me :) 2:14 am, Monday October 11.

They dried her off and put her on my chest - that was the most magical moment ever. A little brand new, warm, softly breathing little baby girl: it was beautiful. Little Eden - little Edie ♥

***

Then... the placenta wouldn't come out so Nancie had to literally pound on me while I attempted to push - ouchie! Seriously it hurt. 45 minutes later it still hadn't come out, so it had to be removed manually - which I definitely got some pain medication for. She had given me a small episiotomy and so I was bleeding during this whole ordeal. The next day they asked me how I felt, given my low blood count. I said I felt fine, thinking that it was normal to be dizzy and loopy and weak because that's how I felt after Vera too. Apparently some people feel great after giving birth! Anyway I got a blood transfusion Tuesday which made me feel like new - oh this is how I should feel :) Other than that, the recovery has been so much easier than after having Vera, like 100%.

So how do I feel about this birth experience? Words that come to mind are humbled, awestruck, thankful, good. The pain was more intense than I had imagined and I needed help more than I thought I would. Ben was so wonderful and I am so thankful we had such wonderful, calm, reassuring midwife and nurses - both in labor and after. It felt good to be able to move my own body both during and after, and to know the feeling of that seriously raw power of giving birth. Of course during it all and in the days after I thought I am never doing this again - someone chloroform me and take this baby out. But now... I think maybe? I could maybe do this again... I most likely will :)